The first thing to remember is that anxiety is a feeling that you experience; it is not who you are. And you can learn to manage those feelings in a way that helps you move forward with your life in the way that you want to.
When the world doesn’t feel like much of a safe place, the counselling room provides a sanctuary. It’s a place where it is absolutely ok to admit the full extent of how you feel, without having to hide anything or feel ashamed. There is no judgement of any kind, and your anxiety is taken seriously.
What causes anxiety?
Understanding that anxiety is an instinctive and perfectly natural response to threat or danger is an important starting point in managing it. When we are faced with danger, our bodies are flooded with stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol, just as they are supposed to be, which keeps us alert and ready to get through the situation in the best way possible to survive it. We don’t get to decide how this happens, it’s wired into us – and it’s what has helped us survive as a species. When the threat passes, our hormones go back to their usual levels and our heart rate and blood pressure returns to normal. We calm down.
But sometimes, that very normal and necessary cycle doesn’t get the chance to complete itself and we are left with anxiety symptoms that overwhelm us. Feelings of intense fear and nervousness have nowhere to go, and those stress hormones keep pulsing through our bloodstream; this can’t help but affect our daily lives, especially when we don’t know why it’s happening. Counselling can help to bring a focus to what is actually happening, rather than simply our perception of events.
How can anxiety affect my relationships?
If they are left unchecked, feelings of anxiety can sometimes lead to becoming overly dependent in relationships, or on the flip side, wanting to avoid relationships altogether. Both responses have a very real impact on how we interact with others.
Dependence – This can show up as a constant need for reassurance and support from friends and/or family. There is an intense desire for closeness – but can also bring a fear of rejection and feelings of anger towards the person who is so needed, and lead to behaviours that are destructive to the relationship. Worst-case scenarios seem inevitable and over-thinking runs rife.
Avoidance – Alternatively, others deal with anxiety by withdrawing from their relationships to protect themselves from feelings such as rejection, disappointment or frustration. Feelings are kept hidden to reduce vulnerability, even though they long to be close to others.
How can I calm my anxiety?
Learning how to use your body to slow down your heart rate, and subsequently the intensity of the stress hormones being pumped through your body, can lead to less heightened emotions. Breathing exercises are a great way to slow down and move away from the physical response you are experiencing.
Source: https://www.doyou.com/10-awesome-gifs-for-calm-breathing-59450/
Mindfulness is another great practice to help to calm anxiety. Just taking that little bit of time to simply ‘be‘ can make a huge difference to how we respond to stress. I really like Mark Williams’ guided meditation tracks, but it’s worth searching for the ones that feel best suited to you.
How can I identify anxiety triggers?
Counselling can help you look for what lies beneath those feelings of anxiety. It gives you the time and space to explore your life experiences and learn how anxiety has become a coping mechanism for you. Understanding why you’ve learnt to stay on ‘high alert’ to keep safe, or why you feel so vulnerable, can bring a new perspective to your experiences – and with it a safer distance from that perceived threat. This helps to bring the cycle to a close, or at least make it feel more manageable.
What are the symptoms of anxiety?
Common anxiety symptoms:
- You feel nervous or tense
- You just have a sense that something awful is going to happen
- Your heart rate increases
- Your breathing speeds up
- You start sweating
- You feel shaky
- You feel restless and find it hard to keep still
- You feel really tired
- You can’t sleep
- You start having stomach problems
- You feel like you can’t control the worry
- You can’t concentrate on anything apart from what is worrying you
Professional Help
If anxiety is having a negative impact on your relationships, it is important to talk to someone. Counselling can help you build strategies to manage your anxiety and improve how you communicate in your relationships. It’s important that you find the right person for you though, so I offer a free 20 minute consultation to help you decide whether I’m somebody you feel like you can work with. There’s absolutely no obligation.
T: 07961 032033
E: office@sarahcoopecounselling.com
Helpful Resources:
Anxiety UK – National charity helping people with anxiety
03444 775 774 or text: 07537 416 905
Calm – Campaign Against Living Miserably
0800 58 58 58
Mind – Mental Health Charity
0300 123 3393
Minds Matter – Free psychological therapies in Lancashire (16+).
Burnley: 01282 657268, Pendle: 01282 657927
Lancashire Mind – Mental Health Urgent Response
0800 953 0110
SHOUT – Free, confidential mental health text support
Text ‘SHOUT’ to 85258
Samaritans – Whatever you’re going through, you can call any time from any phone for FREE
116 123 or email: jo@samaritans.org
East Lancashire NHS – Access to Mental Health Support
www.lscft.nhs.uk/accessingmentalhealthsupport/east-lancashire
0800 0130 707
