When feeling anxious or upset, it can be really hard to remember that there are things that we can do to help us to feel better and get through, so we stay stuck in our thoughts. But if we plan ahead for times like these, the thinking part about what actually works for us, is already done. All we need to do is reach for the things that we know help, and put them into practice, hopefully helping us to feel calmer when we need it the most. Get a box ready. Call it your anxiety box, self-soothe box, Adrian, whatever you like, and fill it with the things that help to reduce your anxiety, panic or low mood. The things that can bring you back to a place that feels more manageable. It’s definitely worth setting aside some time to think about what you want to put in your box, what it is that works for you.
You can use anything you like to build your anxiety box: a shoe box, a biscuit tin, a bag, anything! The point is that you fill your box with what works for YOU; there is absolutely no right or wrong here. As well as a reminder of breathing techniques (always a good place to start), I like to include things that help me to focus on my different senses (sight, sound, touch, smell), and also things I know that I can get lost’ in. For me that’s colouring in with a most excellent swear book or relaxing with some rock n roll cross-stitch; I expect you’ll have your own ideas of what’s absorbing!
Sight
Having a visual reminder of things that are important to me can really help to bring me back into myself when I’m living in my head. I’ve put photos of my granny in the box, as I know I didn’t have to do anything or be anything other than myself for her to love me. It reminds me of how she saw me. Once my dog stops chewing holes in my socks, I’ll probably put a photo of her in there too. I’ve written on a card and put that in the box too, reminding me that ‘This thought wasn’t always here. The only thing that has changed is that it is now present in my head. It will go, just as every other thought has been and gone and I am ok’.
Other ideas might be to write and include a letter of support to yourself. Write it at a time when you’re feeling calm and positive; or choose photos and reminders of a particularly happy memory or occasion to put in.
Sound
Sounds can be really soothing. It could be an idea to put a reminder in your box of a particular playlist that you love – maybe you could put one together that you know helps you feel calm and relaxed so it’s there when you need it. For me, I prefer to block sound out. I enjoy the still of the silence, so I have a pair of ear plugs in there. It helps me to focus on what’s happening for me right in the moment, without the distractions of everything else around me. Sometimes, I plug myself into mindfulness meditation tracks – I’ve found it useful to have chosen these beforehand, as some of the voices I’ve come across have had the opposite effect of calm on me! I do like Mark Williams’ audio tracks though, especially the one that focuses directly on sounds. Find out what works for you.
Touch
It make some sense to go straight to the source of where your anxiety is coming from, i.e. your head! Put a reminder in your box to try massaging your temples for a few minutes. It can really make a difference. You could also include some nice bubble bath or salts to prompt you to take a warm and soothing bath. For some people, fidget toys help; for me, I like the feeling of comfort I get from lying under a nice, weighted blanket (which clearly won’t fit in the box).
Smell
It’s a much more powerful sense than I think we often give credit for in altering our mood. Is there is a specific smell that links you with a calming place or person? Or just something you like? Some essential oils are particularly soothing – I have a little bottle of bergamot and orange oil ready in my box which I love (although it’s only in writing this that I’ve come to wonder what a bergamot even is – all hail Google and the citrus hybrid of lemon and bitter orange). Lavender is another popular calming smell (that I haven’t had to Google). You could even put in a hand cream or moisturiser that you like the smell of – anything that helps you focus on what is happening here and now and your senses.
Breathing
There are also so many excellent breathing exercises out there to try. The simpler, the better I feel. Whatever you choose, they will help to slow things down for you – which can only ever be a good thing.
